What single women want their married friends to know

As a matchmaker, I have the privilege of getting to know many single women. I love hearing about their lives, their hopes, and their dreams for the future.

That’s why I was fascinated by this Huffington Post article by Hélène Tragos Stelian, 8 Things Single Women Want Their Married Friends to Know. Hélène, who is married, talked to many of her single girlfriends who are 50+, and asked them what it’s like to be single at this age: the ups, the downs, and in particular, the misconceptions that many of their married friends and family have about them.

Not surprisingly, there are many misconceptions. Of course, as a matchmaker, I was particularly attracted to Number 4 on this list: Just because I’m single and 50 doesn’t mean I’m desperate and will date anyone. Boy, do I hear about this from my clients, regardless of their age or their gender!

According to the article, most women don’t mind being set up by their friends. But they do mind it when the bar is set very low. Too often, their friend’s only criteria for romantic bliss is that the guy is also single. That’s it. So what if he doesn’t have social skills? Or if he isn’t very bright? One woman interviewed here says her friend actually told her to “dumb her herself down” so that she wouldn’t “scare off” the guy with her intellect!

Stories like this are a big reason why, if you’re single, and serious about wanting a relationship, it’s often more effective to come to us at Elegant Introductions than it is to rely on your friends. For one thing, we pride ourselves with setting the bar high for our clients. Our criteria runs much deeper than just being single. To us, a person’s goals, accomplishments, values, and their willingness to commit to a long-lasting relationship, matter just as much. All our clients are great “catches.”

Also, we would never tell you to “dumb yourself down” for your date. It’s our job to find just the right match for you. We do everything we can to make sure that you are comfortable being yourself on your dates. We also follow up with you after your date. We do this not only to find out how things went, but also to guide you and help you focus on your relationship goals. Above all, we celebrate you for who you already are—a single, successful in your life and in your community, who wants to share your life with another single whose goals and values match yours. To find out more, just contact us. We will arrange a convenient time for a face-to-face meeting, where we can get to know you and show you what we can do for you.

To read the entire list of what single women want their married friends to know, click here. If you’re single, you’ll probably relate to at least some of these — if not all of these.

Nancy

 

 

On dates, speak less — and learn more

When I meet with singles, they often tell me that they’re not sure what to say on a first date. I tell them there’s a proven solution for this—one that doesn’t involve a lot of talking.

I tell them to take a deep breath, relax, and listen to their dates. Listening means learning, and the more you learn about your date, the better your response will be when you do speak.

For many people, listening is a skill that must constantly be honed and practiced. It involves being in the moment, focusing on your date, and making as much eye contact as possible. This is harder for some than for others. Some people are just naturally outgoing. It’s part of their nature to speak a lot during conversations. Others sometimes speak a lot to calm their nerves. These traits don’t have to be roadblocks—as long as you know when to stop talking and listen to your date.

That gift of listening will come in handy if a serious relationship blooms. The more you listen, the more you learn. The more you learn, the more you know. Ask many long-term couples why their relationship succeeds, and they’ll tell you how well they know their partner. That doesn’t happen by accident. It happens because they focus on one another—and listen to one another.

 

Nancy