Have you ever wondered how a modern Jewish matchmaker makes a living? We’ll give you a hint: it’s a winding journey through several influential careers. Traditionally, matchmaking is a mitzvah, a good deed and a duty. But in today’s day and age, we expect jobs to be more time card punching and less passion. So a gifted matchmaker like Barbara Black Goldfarb had to find her way to her life’s calling by building a career that put community first …
With Barbara’s warmth and sense of humor, it was only a matter of time before she became the person-to-know in all these circles! She naturally built personal connections with all of these influential and impressive industry leaders. Her time with these men and women taught her two things:
She knew the need was there, but now she had the elite network to do something to help.
She’s trained to think big picture
What do a master’s degree in Health Services from the London School of Economics and matchmaking have in common? They both require you to think big picture. Barbara was trained to manage and improve business systems to help and heal people. Sounds an awful lot like running a boutique matchmaking business, doesn’t it?
Maybe she’s born with it …
… and maybe it’s destiny! All who meet Barbara say the same thing: she has a natural charisma and a unique human intuition.That’s akin to having the ‘it’ factor in the matchmaking world! The most important trait your matchmaker should have is that uncanny ability to bring soul mates together. You either have it or you don’t. And if our testimonials are anything to go by, Barbara has it.
Long story short, that’s how a highly educated medical professional made one of the best matchmakers southern Florida has seen in a long time! And you’ll get that same personability and intuition that attracted an elite network of clients to Barbara when you sign up for the highly personalized care Elegant Introductions offers. Matchmaking is far from dead! It’s just reinventing itself in the modern world.
When it comes to dating, every single parent has questions and issues that go way beyond “will he like me,” or “are we a good match.”
Take author Michele Weldon, for example. First, she had to flee an abusive relationship. Then, her ex pretty much abandoned her three sons, leaving all parenting responsibilities to her. That would be enough for anyone, but there’s more: she was diagnosed with breast cancer. With all this on her plate, she could be excused for forgetting about dating. But she didn’t do that, and in her funny and honest new memoir, Escape Points, Michele shares her experiences of wading back into the dating scene, even with all her commitments and responsibilities.
In the book, she recounts the years in between the end of her abusive relationship, and her decision to finally start dating again. She writes: “It was easier to be alone. It was cleaner, less dangerous, less fussy, and it definitely made me less insecure. No heartache. I spent so many years without romance, filling up my life with my children and my work and every detail to keep it all afloat, and my needs receded. It was not even noticeable at first; I stopped wanting and figured that wasting my time mourning the loss of real affection was like ranting at a sunset or a rainstorm. When you let go of the need, the need lets go of you. Besides, I have had my heart broken open. So my heart opens only a little bit at a time.”
As a matchmaker, I coach many single parents. Most of the — especially ones whose previous marriage ended badly — go through the same motions that Michele did. They use their undoubtedly busy lives to cover up the loneliness lurking deep within them. When they realize this and start thinking about dating as a single parent, they’re afraid of getting their hearts so badly broken once more.
At Elegant Introductions, we understand the needs and concerns of single parents. It is our mission and privilege to give them everything they need to start dating again, even with their fears and life challenges. Contact us today and let us help you get started. If Michele Weldon can get back into dating as a single parent, so can you.
To read an excerpt of Michele’s new book, click here.
First dates. If you’re like most people, you prepare for them with a mix of anticipation and fear. I know. Not only am I a matchmaker who calms the first-date nerves of many singles, but I’ve also been on more than a few first dates myself. The nerves are quite understandable. Any time you open yourself to the possibilities of meeting someone new, there’s the risk of disappointment or rejection. Add on the idea that the person you’re about to go out with could be THE ONE, and those nerves can pile on tenfold.
For your date to be successful, though, you have to hold those nerves in check. Here’s the good news: this doesn’t have to be difficult. Here are some simple techniques to remember.
1. Pay attention to your breathing. I’m sure you’ve heard it before: just breathe. It sounds so simple, right? Sure, everybody breathes. But when it comes to relieving stress, very few people do it correctly. Before your date, take some deep breaths, and focus on the moment. This, in and of itself, will automatically calm you. You probably don’t want to be too obvious about deep breathing during your date, and that’s understandable. But even then, there are subtle ways to pay attention to your breathing. Many times, just by reminding yourself to breathe properly, you can guide yourself into remaining calm. If you’re not sure how to do it, here’s a terrific video from therapist and mental health specialist Kati Morton to guide you.
2. Less talking, more listening. For many singles, much of first date stress comes from worrying about what they’re going to say. I often tell my clients to say less and listen more. This helps for two reasons. First, if you talk a lot when you’re nervous, you’re more likely to say something you probably shouldn’t. But, maybe even more important, when you’re listening, you’re learning. The more you learn about your date, the more confident you become.
3. Make sure you’re comfortable with the atmosphere. On first dates—as in life—atmosphere is important. If you love the nightlife, you may be perfectly fine at a fancy restaurant or the newest, hottest nightclub for your first date. If you’re more restrained, coffee and a movie might be more your thing. Whether you’re the one suggesting the place, or you’re the one agreeing to it, it’s important to settle on a place where both you and your date will be comfortable. Whatever you do, avoid saying “yes” to a place just to please your date. If you’re uncomfortable, it will show—and it will not leave a good impression.
4. Dress for your date AND for yourself. Sure, you want to dress in a way that’s eye-catching for your date. But, when you’re thinking about what to wear, don’t forget about YOU. Beyond looking great, you also want to wear something that makes you feel comfortable and confident. When you look in the mirror, you want to look great and feel great. When you carry yourself confidently, it shows. Chances are, your date will notice. If he doesn’t, he’s probably not right for you, anyway.
5. Have a back-up plan. Sometimes, first dates don’t go well. It’s unfortunate, but it’s a part of life. But here’s a news flash: even after a terrible date, the world still goes on. If you think beforehand about a back-up plan, you can rest assured that, if all else fails, you can go to Plan B. It could be as simple as keeping your best friend on speed dial, so you know you can just call her up and say “You’ve won’t BELIEVE what just happened to me.” Some people even go as far as having friends come with them, placing them nearby just in case they have to give that friend a cue if the date’s going badly. You might call this passive-aggressive. I say it can be a form of dating survival. If having a back-up plan will ease your nerves, go ahead and make it.
By taking these techniques into consideration, you will survive any first date with your nerves, and your dignity, intact. And remember, if you are a single, Elegant Introductions is here to help you. Contact us today. Our mission is to match you with singles who want what you want—a successful, long-lasting relationship. We can help you reduce the stress of first dates—and of the entire dating process.
Nancy
Looking to relieve the stress of getting a first date? Start working with Elegant Introduction’s award-winning matchmakers, please contact us by filling out the form below.
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For so many people, just the thought of dating can bring on anxiety. But if you’re a single parent, there are so many other questions going through your mind. As a matchmaker, I hear them all the time from clients who want to date, but who are, first and foremost, parents concerned about how their children will react if mom or dad starts dating.
In today’s Huffington Post, comic Laura Lifshitz has a fantastic post on this subject. For her, the key is always keeping the bar high. She would love to find a mate, but she will never settle for someone who ranks far below her expectations. This, she believes, is one of the best examples she can set for her daughter. After all, if Laura sets the bar low, what’s to stop her daughter from doing the same thing when she grows up?
At Elegant Introductions, we pride ourselves with setting the bar high for all our clients. It’s never about just “settling.” It’s about taking the time to really get to know all our clients, and to make matches that meet, or even exceed, expectations.
If you’re a single parent who’s thinking about getting back into the dating scene, contact us today. Our goal is to match you with a single who will click not only with you, but with your kids as well. You would never want your kids to “just settle” when it comes to relationships. Why should you?
As a matchmaker, I have the privilege of getting to know many single women. I love hearing about their lives, their hopes, and their dreams for the future.
That’s why I was fascinated by this Huffington Post article by Hélène Tragos Stelian, 8 Things Single Women Want Their Married Friends to Know. Hélène, who is married, talked to many of her single girlfriends who are 50+, and asked them what it’s like to be single at this age: the ups, the downs, and in particular, the misconceptions that many of their married friends and family have about them.
Not surprisingly, there are many misconceptions. Of course, as a matchmaker, I was particularly attracted to Number 4 on this list: Just because I’m single and 50 doesn’t mean I’m desperate and will date anyone. Boy, do I hear about this from my clients, regardless of their age or their gender!
According to the article, most women don’t mind being set up by their friends. But they do mind it when the bar is set very low. Too often, their friend’s only criteria for romantic bliss is that the guy is also single. That’s it. So what if he doesn’t have social skills? Or if he isn’t very bright? One woman interviewed here says her friend actually told her to “dumb her herself down” so that she wouldn’t “scare off” the guy with her intellect!
Stories like this are a big reason why, if you’re single, and serious about wanting a relationship, it’s often more effective to come to us at Elegant Introductions than it is to rely on your friends. For one thing, we pride ourselves with setting the bar high for our clients. Our criteria runs much deeper than just being single. To us, a person’s goals, accomplishments, values, and their willingness to commit to a long-lasting relationship, matter just as much. All our clients are great “catches.”
Also, we would never tell you to “dumb yourself down” for your date. It’s our job to find just the right match for you. We do everything we can to make sure that you are comfortable being yourself on your dates. We also follow up with you after your date. We do this not only to find out how things went, but also to guide you and help you focus on your relationship goals. Above all, we celebrate you for who you already are—a single, successful in your life and in your community, who wants to share your life with another single whose goals and values match yours. To find out more, just contact us. We will arrange a convenient time for a face-to-face meeting, where we can get to know you and show you what we can do for you.
To read the entire list of what single women want their married friends to know, click here. If you’re single, you’ll probably relate to at least some of these — if not all of these.
When you tell people you’re dating someone, a funny thing happens. You probably start getting lots of advice from your friends and family. Most times, this is a good thing: it comes from people who really care about you, and want your relationship to succeed.
Still, there’s one voice that must rise above all the rest: yours. How many times have you heard people tell you to trust your instincts? And how many times is that easier said than done, especially when you start dating someone seriously?
As a matchmaker, I talk to so many singles who are a little unsure of themselves when they start dating. This is quite normal. The idea of opening yourself up to a relationship is both wonderful and scary. That’s why it’s quite common for singles to be at least a little nervous, and to start questioning themselves. Am I right for him? Is she right for me? Am I sure this can work in the long run?
The good news is that if you and your mate are open and honest with each other, the answers to these questions come sooner rather than later. At this point, you know whether your relationship has a good shot at succeeding. This is when listening to your own voice becomes especially important. After all, you know yourself better than anyone else. If you have a good feeling about your relationship, don’t let anyone talk you out of it. If you have a bad feeling about your relationship, don’t let anyone talk you in to it either.
It’s not always easy to trust your instincts. This involves not only listening to yourself, but also trusting yourself. The better you are at doing this, the greater the chances that your new relationship will indeed become a happy and long-lasting partnership.