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Ask Nancy: How do I stop comparing my date to my late husband?

Believe it or not, Chanukah is right around the corner. The first candle will be lit December 6, a little more than a month from now. Why are we telling you this? Because, as Jewish matchmakers, we know that Chanukah is not just a time of joy and of giving; it’s also a great time for dating and meeting new people—if you have the right attitude and plan accordingly.

Many Jewish singles tend to write off their dating life in December, and pick it up again in January. That’s unfortunate, because the December holidays provide several wonderful opportunities to meet someone special. Many singles love going to Chanukah celebrations, because they’re always festive, and because even shy singles are never at a loss for conversation starters. You can go up to that cute guy you notice, and ask him anything from how he’s celebrating the holiday to how he likes his latkes. There’s less pressure than there is at more structured dating events, and this normally makes Jewish singles more at ease.

In its own way, even Christmas can be a prime time for Jewish singles. Many Jewish groups, synagogues and JCCs plan social events on or around Christmas Day. Still other Jewish organizations mark December 25 as a Day of Community Service. It’s a good idea to start looking for these events, and to plan on attending. (Many events fill up fast, to that’s another reason to start planning now.)

There are several online Jewish community event calendars that help make planning easier. The Greater Miami Jewish Federation, the Jewish Federation of Broward County, and the Jewish federations in  Boca Raton and West Palm Beach, all have online holiday event listings—some created especially for Jewish singles. Just click on their links, find what interests you, and reserve your spot. Don’t even think too much about it. Go with the attitude that you’re going to have a good time, no matter what. Even on the off chance that you don’t have a good time, it’s just one event out of your life. You tried it and you made the effort. That’s all that matters. By far, the benefits of meeting new friends outweigh the chances of a bad time.

And when you’re at your holiday event, remember these simple tips:

  • Keep your conservation positive. When talking about yourself, or what you’ve been up to this year, focus on the highlights. We all have our down periods, but people you’re just meeting rarely want to hear about them. Save those for when you have a chance to know each other better.
  • Avoid talking about exes and past relationships. Wipe them out of your mind as if they don’t exist. Again, it’s the holidays. People who hardly know you want to hear about the positives. Focus any relationship conversation more on what you’re looking for now in a relationship. Keep it all about your present and your future.
  • Go easy on the drinking, and seek out others who are doing that, too. During the holidays, this can be easier said than done. But the hard truth is that almost nothing good ever comes from situations where you, or any prospective partners, drink too much. Have fun, of course, but know your limits.

In the long run, holiday dating is as much about attitude as it is about planning. If you really want to find a serious relationship, you have to train your mind to be positive, and to tell yourself that it’s going to happen. The trick is to do this confidently, so that all your outstanding attributes and self-confidence shine through.

Remember, if you need coaching and guidance, Elegant Introductions is here for you. Contact us so that we can share our expertise about opening your heart and your mind to the possibilities of meeting your special Jewish soulmate. With our help, you could be lighting the menorah with your new love next year.


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