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Ask Nancy: How do I stop comparing my date to my late husband?

Dear Nancy,

My husband has been deceased for 15 years. I’m looking for a new relationship, but every time I go on a date, I can’t help but compare everyone to my late husband. Do you have any advice for me? – Estelle H.

Dear Estelle,

It’s important not to compare your dates to anyone. No one is ever going to fill your late husband’s shoes. It’s important to stay in the present and find the qualities you’re looking for now in a potential partner. If your new partner meets those qualities, that’s a very good sign. You should certainly talk about your late husband. He was, after all, an important your life. But don’t frame this as a competition between your late husband and your new partner. Think of it as letting your partner get to know you better by learning about your life and your experiences. Do this, and you can have some very lovely new experiences awaiting you.

Got a dating or relationship question? Get expert advice from Nancy Gold, co-founder of Elegant Introductions. Aside from being a professional matchmaker with Elegant Introductions, Nancy is a psychologist who has been counseling individuals and couples for the past 25 years. If you have a dating or relationship question, just send it to social@jelegantintroductions.com and put Ask Nancy in the subject line. Be sure to include your full name and email address. (This is for verification only. To protect your privacy, we only use first names and initials online.) Nancy will be glad to answer as many questions as possible.


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