Tips & Tools For Relationship Success From The Pros, Elegant Introductions Matchmakers, Dr. Nancy Gold and Barbara Black Goldfarb.
Doesn’t it sound idyllic to spend days in love? And weekends out East with a special someone enjoying leisurely afternoons exploring Hamptons’ vineyards, galleries, beaches, and then watching the sun go down together at “the end of the world” aka Montauk?
Thinking romance is out of reach? It doesn’t have to be. Don’t feel like you’re stranded on shore this Summer, ride the wave to dating success with matchmakers Dr. Nancy Gold and Barbara Black Goldfarb who founded Elegant Introductions an elite matchmaking service and relationship consulting firm after becoming fed up with the unsuccessful rates of set-up dates and online dating apps.
On a search to find true romantics, Elegant Introductions is about personally matching couples, hand-choosing each date to make sure that compatibility is at a maximum, aligning personality, communication style, values, emotional availability, and physical appearance. With an excellent success ratio to base her insights and advice on, Dr. Nancy Gold has joined easthampton.com to help you find the relationship you’re looking for – and even improve the one you’ve got.
Q: Why did you found Elegant Introductions?
No doubt about it, it is a struggle to find quality men and women, no matter what your age is. Online dating and apps, the main ways singles meet one another today are disappointing. After a while, everyone gets tired of asking friends and family for blind dates. The “do you know anyone single?” question just becomes depressing.
We launched EI to help our clients meet high caliber, educated, successful individuals, in a dignified elegant way. We coach our clients so that they can understand how to date successfully; our feedback loop helps our clients avoid anxiety or uncertainty after the date. Everyone gives us feedback which we share respectfully with both parties This is very positive as it leads to clarity, and an opportunity to grow.
Q: How do you coach a client who is sticking to conventional wisdom and having a hard time connecting?
Men and women get stuck. Habits, ways of thinking, feeling, and acting, these are hard to change. What’s my recommendation? Get out of your comfort zone! That is a great first step. Don’t let your past be your future. Evolve. Move forward. Love yourself then you can love others. Bring confidence and joy into the dating zone.
Q: What is your way of setting people at ease who come for help?
Respect, humor, and unconditional positive regard, that’s what we offer every client. You could call us an objective best friend. Trying your best but finding dating success elusive? Sometimes we just need someone to shine a light on our blind spot. The logistics of dating may not be easy to navigate but we are there to make the experience as “wrinkle-free” as possible.
Q: Are people clear about their relationship goals and needs?
People often believe they are clear about their needs but they get confused with their wants. Wants are generally superficial, based on what society tells us. You could say they are Madison Avenue-driven. Our needs are more basic; they reflect what true happiness is based on. Our relationship to you should feel like a comfortable pair of shoes. Think of us as a best friend, who is loyal and has your back.
Q: Is there one approach you suggest to help potential partners clarify what they are striving for?
The most important thing is to be open to change, new ideas and excitement to start a new adventure into love.
Q: With many of your clients opting to Summer in the Hamptons, what are your tips for successful dating on the East End?
No matter whether the Hamptons are near or far to home base, take the attitude: You never know where you will find love. Vacation spots lend themselves to relaxed interaction but don’t walk into every party out East thinking Ms. or Mr. Right is going to be there. Meet. Greet. Enjoy everyone for who they are: Be open to change and stay flexible.
Q: Tell us the key steps to help people achieve realistic expectations?
Getting realistic expectations about dating starts with understanding what your strengths and your limitations are. Don’t undervalue yourself. But don’t be inflexible either. Believe that you are someone people would want to date and consider all the things you bring to the table. Just be who you are. But also consider who is looking for you? Think about how many women/men fit the criteria you may think is the perfect match.
Generally, people bring their old outdated list of “wants” when they come to us in search of a potential partner. Our role is to help them look at what really brings them joy…e.g. is height that important for love to blossom, etc.
Finding joy in an existing relationship is something we can help with too. Feeling like you are off track with the one you love? We can offer help to get you re-connected.
Q: Getting people “un-stuck” – what moves men and women beyond their past when they are stuck?
It’s important to look at life with a new set of glasses…Think about how you have changed since your last relationship. New situations are not the same as ones in the past. It’s important to resolve the past in order to have a successful relationship in the future.
Q. The #Me too Movement has heightened the awareness of singles at work. Does this impact dating and other work relationships?
Many more people are coming to us for matchmaking and coaching due to the current climate in the workplace. #MeToo has made executives reticent if not reluctant to ask out coworkers, business associates, clients, etc. Men and women are much more aware of appropriate behavior now. But there’s still a need for coaching; people do ask us for clarification and we are here to help.
Q. Everyone is looking for acceptance and appreciation. How do you help your clients get this response?
The way our clients communicate with us as matchmakers reflects how they communicate with others. We help the client explore patterns of communication that may be getting in the way of having a successful relationship. There are some simple techniques we use to improve listening skills because being a good listener is vital to a good relationship.
Q. When you are on a date and things are said that are surprising, not comfortable, and even personal, what to do?
Taking things personally and having your buttons pushed means it is time to get to a good place in looking at yourself. Feeling offended is usually triggered by something internal that bothers us about ourselves. Looking at the mirror inside us is a good opportunity to grow.
Q. What to do when a new potential partner cannot stop talking about his Ex?
Discussing past loves is not a great way to encourage building a path forward. For several months, it’s best to not discuss and stay away from past relationships. You know everything about you, so ask lots of questions to find out about your date. Just say let’s not talk about that now, I want to hear about you. Let’s leave broken hearts for another time.
Q. First dates bring nerves. What is your recommendation to overcome nervousness when meeting a new match?
Bring your best self to the date….Try deep breathing then center yourself. Smile, everyone is nervous (You are not the only one!). Help the other person feel comfortable. But realize it’s just a date. Date to date not to mate. The more you judge yourself, the more you judge others. Let you be you. What are your best qualities? What do you bring to the table that is wonderful? Remember it’s how you make someone feel that makes them want to see you again or not.
Q. We all seek unconditional love. How do we find it and accept it?
Unconditional love starts with loving yourself. It’s acceptance, respect, appreciation, caring for the other’s wellbeing.
This article appears in our weekly column on EastHampton.com
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